v-s.net v0.6

Thursday, 3:21 am in Archive

Well I was bored and it Seemed Like Fun.

Ganked from cheekyweebisom.

I want Sirius to come back to life. Then I want him to die again. Painfully. I want an entire 600 page novel to be dedicated to this scene repeating over and over again.

I want Draco to realise that the path to power lies with individual cleverness, not licking the boots of a moron.

I want the rest of the entire series to be dedicated to Snape. Failing that, I just want to know more about him.

I do not want Snape’s history to include anything stupid. I do not want him to have been abused/unloved as a child. Sometimes we just turn out bad on our own.

I want Dumbledore to choke to death on a lemon drop and Snape to be appointed headmaster, even if this means feeding Minerva to Fluffy.

I want all Gryffindorks to be afflicted with a horrible pox.

I want Remus to be less of a snivelling product of peer pressure. If I were a werewolf I’d be much more aggro about it.

I want Cho to realise Harry is a self-absorbed twit and move on. Who the hell has meaningful relationships when they’re fifteen anyway?

I want Hermione to eschew marriage and go on to become a worldly scholar. I also want her to realise she doesn’t know everthing.

I want Lucius to hit Dobby with his cane some more.

I want to see more of the Slytherin Headmaster Portrait. Preferably in the vacinity of Snape.

I want Harry to get over himself and leave the grownup things to the grownups.

I want better role models. So far there are a grand total of zero characters in the series I’d want my own children emulating. This includes Snape who, while lovable, is also an asshole.

I want Voldemort to realise his Evil Powers could be far better spent doing some productive terrorising than producing elaborate and ultimatley futile plans to attack Harry.

I want to see more of James Potter being an asshole.

I want Harry to stop playing sport and go do something productive with his time. Like masturbation.

I want there to be more gay sex.

I never ever want to see Rowling painfully attempt to write non-British characters ever again.

In fact, I want to series to be turned over to a competent author. Like Sushi. This would also help with the gay sex.

I want Harry to die. Preferably in the next book, thus making way for the retitling of the series as Severeus Snape and the Further Pursuit of Excellence in the Field of Advanced Potion Making.

I want the bad characters to stop being so one-dimensional and such obvious plot devices.

I want the good characters to stop being so one-dimensional and such obvious plot devices.

I want Snape to have not been a spy. That one was way too obvious.

I want Mad-Eye Moody to renounce hip flasks and their use, and condemn to dorkiness any who use them.

I want anyone but a Gryffindork to be Head Boy. Preferably Draco. Also, Luna would make an excellent Head Girl, despite being younger and all that.

I don’t want Draco to suddenly turn into a Nice Guy at the end.

I also don’t want him to continue to be a one-dimensional bully.

I want there to be more parallels drawn between Draco and Sirius and James.

I want Harry to be made to face up to the fact that he used an Unforgivable on another human being. In fact, I’d settle for Harry to have to face up to any consequences for anything. Period.

And did I mention I want more gay sex?

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