24th June, 2003
It's Just a Book, Jesus
Tuesday, 3:20 am in Archive
It’s long like a lion, baby…
He fell. Through. A. Hole.
I just paid $40 to watch Sirius fall. Through. A. Hole.
I mean, yeah, okay. He’s (probably) dead; yay and thank God it was about time. But… getting knocked through a curtain? That’s pretty goddamn lame. And all that sappy ‘beyond the veil’ shit with Luna… I swear, if he comes back in anywayshapeorform in the future I will burn every one of my books. Ceremoniously.
Bah.
The whole thing with Black’s house, as well… is it just me or does it strike anyone else that Black is a failed Snape. I mean, they’re both antiheroes in the ‘tall dark and broody’ kind of way, both come from assumedley (question mark on Snape, though, since he wasn’t mentioned on the tapestry) pureblod Dark-wizarding type families, both had unhappy home lives (though assumedley for Black), both have similar personalities (they hold grudges for a long time and get capital-Angry), and are both maligned in a general sort of way by the majority of people. Except Black is more superficial about it. I mean, what? He had a crazy pureblood mother. Wow. The anguish. I really feel for you… now go die in a hole. Oh, wait, you did. There’s always been a kind of ‘aura’ around Black’s character that had him as the violent Gryffindor school bully as a teenager; this gets conveyed reasonably well as soon as he’s introduced in PoA (where he does a fair share of mad rending and tearing), and wherever it was we found out about the Shack, at which point we discovered that he had tried to murder someone at age 16.
Then Black goes to jail for a little while for things he didn’t do and everyone’s like, “Oh the poor dear! Improioned for a Crime He Did Not Commit! The injustice!”
Attempted murder is also a crime which is generally punishable by jail terms. I’m not exactly sure on the English statutes, but around 10 years jail sounds reasonable for a crime of this magnitude, if I’m remembering my Law and Order right. Even if this didn’t constitute attempted murder, then there are ‘lesser’ related charges with names along the lines of “criminal negligence” which could apply. And which also include jail terms of several years.
In other words, it’s a crime to physically endanger another person’s life, willfully or not. Even threatening to harm someone is a crime if the victim feels intimidated in any way (so even those “omg ur a fag i will kill u” type emails can be illegal).
So I don’t want to hear any more crap about Black being ‘unjustly’ imprisoned. Because the motherfucker deserved it, which rather undermines the credibility of his sob antihero “I’m innocent!” story.
Which is why I’ve never connected to Black on that level. The ‘cool’ godfather who rides around on a flying motorbike? Oh puh-lease; gouge my eyes out with spoons so I don’t have to be continually subjected to this naieve bullshit.
Black is a bully, and so, now apparently we find out, is Potter Senior. I’d been willing to give James Potter the benifit of the doubt up until now. Sure, I pictured him as a bit of an arrogant golden god… but apparently he was a violent bully of an arrogant golden god. Now who does that remind you of? Why… Draco Malfoy. Far as I see it, James Potter is the Draco Malfoy of his generation, except worse, because Malfoy talks big but rarely ever does much directly.
There’s this really nonsensical line… [rummages around to find it] … just after Harry and Hermione go into the Forest with Hagrid… here. Right at the start of chapter thirty-one (p. 621, Australian edition);
‘Why are you grinning?’
‘I’m not, said Harry quickly, and looked down at his Transfiguration notes, attempting to straighten his face. The truth was that Ron had just reminded Harry forcibly of another Gryffindor Quidditch player who had once sat rumpling his hair under this very tree
Okay, maybe I’m being thick, and misreading/forgetting stuff… or maybe both… but did anyone else read this as Harry thinking about his father? The phrase ‘rumpling his hair’ did it for me, though I suppose this might be some forgotten reference to Harry himself. The point is, this read completley stupidly in context for me, especially since the last thing we knew Harry was angsting about his father being a sadistic little brat… not regailing his Quidditch glories. The fact that this is confusing at all smacks of bad writing (or at least bad anti-foreshadowing), and jarred me totally out of the story when I read it.
But anyway, the point I was getting back to was that the real reason Black hates Snape is because he is a shitty imitation of our favourite Slytherin Sex God and is fast loosing fangirls to the combined powers of snark (Snape beats Black verbally in OotP whenever they sparr), grease, geek and gawk. Oh, and did I mention who died in a hole and who didn’t? (Hey, I think I’m beginning to like this whole curtain thing…)
One of the things that’s been cropping up on the MLs has been, in regards to Snape’s Worst Memory; “Well, maybe Sirius and James were being mean, but Snape shouldn’t’ve called Lily a Mudblood…” Where I’m from (various Snape-centric lists; duh) this is generally touted out by people trying to defend Potter Sr. and Black; as if somehow their bullying can be magically swept away by this one thing.
What are they, daft?
There’s been a few good responses to this thrown around, and I think the best one is thus: if some guys who were bigger, tougher, meaner, more popular and more prolific than you were humiliating you in some spurious (I don’t even know what that means; isn’t that great?) way, and someone who you probably considered just as bad as them came up and leapt to your rescue in a way which would most likely irreparably damage your pride and whatever little peer standing you might possess amidst like-minded people, however bigoted… would you feel grateful to them? Would you feel grateful in that instant? Would you feel grateful later on after being needled for being saved by a girl/popular preppy whore/mudblood/whatever by people you didn’t like? By people you did? Would you feel grateful after loosing influence for it? Friends?
Or, if that’s too general, think of it this way. What if, for some reason, Harry gets into some random dangerous situation (oh my god, surprise) involving Death Eaters and, well, death. Then, all of a sudden, out of the blue, Voldemort runs up and saves him, dusts him off, and sends him back to Hogwarts. Because Harry is such a nice guy, he says thanks and returns happily. Suddenly, everyone finds out he’s been saved by the Dark Lord. Now everyone’s suspicious; is he in cahoots with the Dark Lord now? Has he joined the Death Eaters? Suddenly Harry finds he doesn’t have so many friends now as he thought he did. He’s learnt the high school lesson of Taking Favours From the Wrong People.
This is even used in the book as a way of making you suspicious of various characters; Fudge getting chummy with Malfoy Senior, for example. No-one questions this, everyone ‘knows’ Malfoy is bad, and Fudge is obviously untrustworthy for playing nice with him and (allegedly) taking his money. What would everyone think if Fudge snapped out “I don’t need help from filthy little Death Eaters like him!”? There’d be some kind of bloody ticker tape parade. Now replace ‘Malfoy’ with ‘Lily’, ‘Fudge’ with ‘Snape’, ‘Death Eater’ with ‘Mudblood’ (okay okay, change pronouns if you like), and ‘everybody’ with ‘Slytherins’ and you’ve got the same situation.
You might not like it, but it’s the same.
It’s about a very Slytherin thing; politics.
In fact, politics and bureaucracy seem to be some major themes in OotP. My parents are public servants (ie. the non-magical equivalent of Arthur Weasley), and have always tried to teach me to work within the establishment, even if I’m working against it (or, er, this might be my own slightly garbled interpretation). Harry’s seeming inability to grasp this concept for the entire book left me rather frustrated, especially when other people were breezing over it left right and centre. Malfoy the Elder, for example, and Dumbledore in his brief few cameos… even Malfoy the Younger was doing a reasonable job of it; and he’s a nitwit. Which left Harry’s confrontations with Umbridge (who, incidentally, was unfortunately played in my head by own very own Senator, Amanda Vanstone, much as Pauline Hanson will always be my Rita Skeeter) irritatingly painful… blood-letting quills aside. Eventually, though, Harry cottoned on somewhat with the DA. It wasn’t brilliant as far as working the bureaucracy from the inside goes, but it was adequate.
Incidentally, I’d also like to know how Rowling thinks the Ministry of Magic works. Obviously like no currently known democratic system (coughWestminstersystemcough), because you can’t ram through legislation like that (non-withstanding the time it takes to debate and pass a bill through different political parties in both houses, legislation still has a kind of ‘cooling off’ period of about 30 days before it can come into effect). Which was another reason the whole government aspect didn’t sit right to me. It was just… sometimes I complain about a fic having “angst for angst’s sake” (for a working example, read something by Poppy Z. Brite). OotP felt like it had government for government’s sake. Plus the school degenerated mighty fast into sadistic farce. The first time Umbridge tried to use that blood-letting quill on me I’d be right out the door talking to my parents, getting myself a leave of absence until things Settled Down. And I’d take as many people as I could with me. Here’s a tip, kids; schools really hate upsetting parents. Not getting anywhere on your own? Bring in your parents. I guarantee it always works; even when you’re in university and nearing on twenty.
Which brings me to another point in this book, a point which Black’s Slytherin headmaster relative does a concise job of presenting; adults don’t tell bratty snot-nosed little kids everything for a reason. Yes, it’s frustrating (I’ve been through it personally when I was around 15 or so). But often times when you finally do find out what they were keeping from you, you wish you hadn’t. The greatest thing I realised upon moving out of home was that my parents were right. About (practically) everything. This came as a bit of a shock, let me tell you. Interestingly, another book I’m currently reading, The Science of Discworld, presents a similar concept in regards to science as ‘lies-to-children’, such as the formation of a rainbow;
We all remember being told at school that glass and water split light into constituent colours – there’s even a nice experiment where you can see them – and we were told this is how rainbows form, from light passing through raindrops. When we were children, it never occurred to us that while this explains the colours of the rainbow it doesn’t explain its shape. Neither does it explain how the light from the many different raindrops in a thundershower somehow combines to create a bright arc. Why doesn’t it all smudge out?
Quoted From: The Science of Discworld, p.43
It goes on to explain that these lies-to-children are necessary due to the way children see the world, and that they set the foundations for how the next layer of complexity in a subject can be taught (for those of you who have done something above high-school chemistry; think of everything you had to learn, unlearn and relearn about electrons). The book then goes on to explain that, then, ‘liar-to-children’ is not a negative title. Indeed, it is synonymous with ‘teacher’.
So what does this have to do with Harry Potter? A lot, I think. This book in particular was about the various lies-to-children that have been fed to Harry. In a way it’s about growing up to accept the next layer of complexity (“Well, actually, the orbits of electrons aren’t exactly like a mini solar system…” “Well, actually, Snape hates your dad because he was an asshole…”). I just think a lot of that was lost under Harry’s constant bitching… but, you know. He’s fifteen and persecuted by evil wizards. I’d be bitchy too if it were me. Hell, I’m neither of those things and I’m still bitchy, so… [shurgs]
While I’m on the subject of lying to children… Dumbeldore. What an asshole. I never liked the man, but Jesus. What a shitty little whinge he has at the end. “Hey Harry, you know, I’m sorry I subjected you to years of horrible torment and un-shoulderable responsibility, but hey, it’s okay because I love you.” Oh gee, well, I know I’d be fewling so much better about myself after the end of that lemon-drop-induced garbage. Bring the Kleenix and let’s all have a big student/creepy-old-man love moment, why don’t we.
He did have a point about Kreecher, though. In a “coughterrorismcough” kind of way…
What else… oh yeah. Remus Lupin was apparently a spineless yes-man as a teen. Wow. What a great advert for peer-pressure winning over conscience. I’m glad he’s Harry’s only remaining link to his past. I’m sure the world will sleep safer in it’s bed knowing that Remus “I’ll Keep Silent Because if I Say Something My Popular Friends Might Shun And Ridicule Me So I’ll Let Them Do It To Someone Else” Lupin is providing the moral guidance for the kids of tomorrow. What a motherfucking champ.
Notice how I’m slowly worming my way down characters now? Might as well be blatant about it…
Tonks was a Mary Sue, and it’s been mentioned. Oh my god, this super-cool girl everyone loves who has this amazingly rare power which allows her to change her hair colour in a way which is of course no way cashing in on all these pre-teens getting into ‘alternative’ style musicians like my wife Avril or Kelly Osbourne [goes momentarily into “Ozzzzzziieeeeee!headbanger mode] because this book was written way before they were around, but it’s it so coincidental?
Cho Chang was… eh. Lots of people have bitched out Cho (well, lots of people on the slash lists), but honestly I didn’t mind her. I think Hermione had the right explanation. It was still nitwit behaviour, and Harry was right to dump her. Sif have relationship at 15 anyhow…
Ginny and Neville were pretty cool. Glad to see Neville isn’t going the way of Telanu’s Tea-series Neville. Being the supporter of the stuttering and downtrodden (and sexy black-haired big-nosed Potions Masters) that I am, I like Neville. Luna I was kind of ambivalent about… I kept waiting for her to do something really cool, like suddenly revealing her dreamy demeanour to be just an act and really being, like, I dunno. Miss Uber Powers, or something.
I don’t get why everyone’s cheering McGonagal… that’s, er, exactly how I expected her to be. Maybe it’s fannon!Minerva interfering again…
I felt bad for Molly Weasley. She was right to be frosty to Black. But then again, that could jut be my general dislike of Black showing through…
And finally, Harry.
As usual I had mixed and overall ambivalent feelings about Harry (which generally extends to Hermione and Ron; any initial nerd-to-nerd connection I had with Hermione has long since shifted to Snape). It was nice to see him grow a bit of a spine, but I think he was laying the whole Anakin trip on a bit too thickly there. And, of course, the whole Voldemort-possession-OMG-I’m-Turning-Into-The-Dark-Lord thing was all very ho-hum after being done to death in fanfic for the last three plus years (the most recent I’ve personally read being The Beast by Sushi and the most famous in my particular ‘ship probably being If You Are Prepared by Cybele). Actually, a lot of the book was. The whole “Snape mentoring Harry” trip is common like dirt on the good ship Snarry, and is a reasonably clichéd ploy in many Snape-centric gen fics as well. The “gain first-hand knowledge of Snape’s abusive childhood/crappy school years through mind reading and/or pensieve diving” felt like reading a slightly toned-down Civil War (again kudos to Sushi), though it too has been done in other fics. The whole prophecy deal feels like either If You Are Prepared or even vaguely like all the various “conveniently pre-ordained bonding/mpreg” fics. In fact, every chapter mentioning both ‘Harry’ and ‘Snape’ on the same page felt like a cumulation of ever fanfic I’ve read over the past two-ish years since K perverted me with her Evil Potterp0rn (hi mum and dad, if you’re reading). I wonder if people form other ‘ships (say, SB/RL, JP/SS or even some of those esoteric things I know nothing about called ‘het pairings’) got the same feeling?
I’m sure it’s reasonably coincidental. Rowling has stated in interviews that some of the fic writers do get very close, though no-one in particular had ‘got it’. Well, apparently no single person had ‘got it’, at any rate.
Anyway… I think that’s about it. Congratulations for making it down this far… I think that took a little longer than I expected, but it’s the product of almost a day’s almost solid reading (10am to 12am the next day, with breaks for dinner and washing). Well, I’m absolved now. All I need to do now is wait a few weeks for the furore on the MLs to die down and I can start back where my real interest lies; the fannon of the Good Ship HP/SS.
Yup.
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